Asserting My Independence, Again and Again and Again

Over the past few years I needed a change, and being unable to shed pounds, I decided instead to grow my hair. I haven't had long hair since I was a child and my mother, fed up with dealing with all the upkeep, gave me a lovely pixie cut. Since then, I've only been able to get it to a little above shoulder length before giving up and returning to a short cut.

But I finally did it. A friend of mine even told me I looked like a Breck Girl. Through it all, friends and colleagues told me how pretty my hair was. I reveled in the change of look, even if I secretly hated managing it. Never very coordinated with hair-dos, working with clips, barrettes, bands, etc. was just beyond my talent and I never found a way to do anything in an up-do that looked remotely elegant or professional for work. Inevitably, I found myself banding it in a ponytail toward the end of the work day out of pure frustration.

However, my mother's reaction was very obvious. She hated it. Every time she saw me she'd say, "Oh...you still haven't cut your hair." or "Hmmm...it's getting long...do you REALLY like it that way?" or "But you look so GOOD with short hair." Because of this, I stubbornly stayed true to my long locks - even though my own preference was to cut it - purely to assert my independence from her.

Hello. I'm 41. Am I not yet independent of my mother?

Yesterday I got it cut - not just short, but REALLY short. My stylist was stunned and the entire salon staff was surrounding me at one point just to observe the slicing and dicing of my 'do. I love it, but my joy in it was cut short (no pun intended) by my mother's reaction - "Sooo much better, and you look like you lost weight too."

Is it just me, or does every daughter cringe when they hear that? There is no simple compliment in that line, just a feeling of underlying criticism. It's truly an art form. I'm not a mom, but my JSister is...I wonder if she feels that her kids hear the same criticism in her compliments?

With Love and Little Malice,
W-Sister