Hemorrhoids, Polyps and Scopes, Oh My

At the risk of sharing too much information, let me talk a little shit. Or at least shit chute.

Several weeks ago I made Kip take me to the ER at midnight. Because I was bleeding from my ass. Now everyone has had a little spot here or there. You know, too much fibre, too wide a load, etc. (told you this would be a bit much info!). But this time, it wasn't really stopping. It wasn't gushing, but it was there and in more quantity than was comfortable. So we went.

And the humiliation was JUST beginning.

I got a doctor pretty quickly. But, they were short on nurses. So he asked Kip to stay in the room while he conducted a....ahem...rectal exam. Wow. How do you look sexy for your man after this one? Plus? The doctor decided it was a good idea to after the...ahem...rectal exam...hold up the gloved finger proudly and say, "Look, brown".

Oh My Holy God.

Anyway, turns out I have like a small hemorrhoid or something and it was irritated and I got a small tear in it. No biggie. But I've spent over 40 years trying to ignore the more distasteful things about the human body...to be exact, the more distasteful things about MY human body, and in one night it all came crashing down.

Mom recently had some bleeding of her own, and when they scoped her they decided to remove a polyp which tested out as cancerous. They calmly reported they got it all, no need to worry, but of course, anyone (especially Mom) would worry. She contacted a friend who has had full blown colon cancer who relayed to her that she had her 4 kids go for colonoscopies and ALL of them had something suspicious or dangerous in their findings.

Today I got four emails from Mom. Count them. F.O.U.R.
All about how I must go get a colonoscopy. And isn't it great the weather will be nice this weekend. And I should get a colonoscopy. And how she is looking forward to Thanksgiving. And I should get a colonoscopy. And how she bought a cute top. And I should get a colonoscopy. Not that she is trying to run my life. But I should get a colonoscopy - and so should Kip.

So. I guess I know my next stop.

Because the emails will NOT stop.

Colonoscopy here I come.

Hopefully the worst thing I'll hear is "Look, brown."

With Love and Little Malice,
W-Sister